Dear Captain, Oh Captain
by forgottensongs
Summary: Luffy wakes up one day to find all but one of his nakama gone and seven letters from the ones missing. Wanting an explanation for the crew's sudden departure, and with Nami refusing to tell what she knows, Luffy reads the letters left for him and discovers the impossible truth. Post-timeskip. Nakamaship.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Everything in One Piece belongs to "Goda".**

Ch 1 | The First Letter

" _Nani? What are you talking about? Where is everyone?"_

" _They left, Luffy."_

" _... Nani?"_

" _They're not here."_

 **x.**

Luffy stares at the piece of paper in his hand. It's spotted with grease and dirt, its creases deep and vein-like, as if it had been folded and unfolded a hundred times. The inked scrawl is messy but legible, written in surprisingly straight lines. Standing in the middle of his shared room, Luffy's eyes rake through the words until they start to blur.

With a start, he realizes he's shaking. The thin page trembles along with his hands.

Luffy wills himself to steady, then rereads the message slowly, clutching the paper tightly.

 _Dear Luffy,_

 _Do you remember the first time we fought? Not the dumb one we had over who took the last piece of meat (it_ was _you, you jerk) or over that one time you broke my new fishing pole. No, it was that one fight we had - just me and you - a duel between the captain and his rebelling crewmate. It was decided from the moment I challenged you that I would lose. You knew it. I knew it. Everyone who was there knew it. But we fought anyway. What else for a nakama?_

 _I'll let you in on something, Luffy, 'cause it's easy to admit it now on paper: Some part of me always wanted to fight you. I knew I would lose, but just the fact that I could go one-on-one with the strongest person I ever had the chance of meeting… well, if I was going to be the bravest warrior of the sea, I would have to fight the guy at least once, ne?_

 _So while a huge part of me was angry at you - all of you - for trying to abandon Merry, a nakama that had been loyally sailing with us for so long, I was also happy that you didn't turn your back on me, scoff that I was too weak to duel with. You, somehow,_ understood _. Yeah, it hurt. Yeah, I lost. But past my pride, I was grateful Luffy. And of course, you forgave me like the kind idiot you are._

 _Thank you._

 _Luffy. I believed that that fight was the first and last one we would ever have. For the sake of our friendship and the crew's._

 _But it wasn't._

 _I'm sure you can agree - a crew that's fighting amongst themselves might as well be considered dead, especially in the New World. I can't say I'll be back, because I really don't know the future. Heck, if I knew about this future, I would've stayed back at Water 7. But I can't say I regret my time with you. It was really fun._

 _I'm leaving the crew, Luffy._

 _But you should know it's not only me this time._ _ **We are**_ _._

 _I'm sorry._

 _\- Usopp_

 **x.**

"W-what the hell is this?" Luffy whispers. His voice is small and uneven.

His signature smile is gone from his face, replaced with a confused frown.

His mind whirls. Usopp's words - _fight, sorry, thank you,_ _**leaving the crew**_ **-** spin around in his head before they start bashing his brain in with a sledgehammer. His heart hasn't felt this heavy since the fight in Water 7. It's unbearable.

But with the heavy pain comes confusion. What did the sharpshooter mean when he said it wasn't their last fight? When had they ever had a big fight after that?

Luffy tries to think hard, but he can't focus, can't breathe, can't _actually think_ because _Usopp left_. His nakama just up and left.

No warning.

Not even a goodbye.

Just this stupid _letter_. Why, why, _why_? Luffy tries again to think, searching his memory for any clues - anything - but can't find an answer to his nakama's sudden departure.

 _Usopp…_

He reads the letter a third time. A fourth. Each time it gets harder to breathe, as if the air around him was thinning.

"What happened?" Luffy whispers aloud. No one answers.

He finally takes notice of the two words written in bold, inscribed forcefully into the paper. He blinks and reads the words again, mouthing them silently.

His heart skips one beat. Two.

Luffy suddenly runs forwards and all but crashes into the door, whipping it open with a sudden vigor. A grassy deck greets him with the smell of fresh morning dew and the faint sounds of creaking wooden boards. The tire swing sways slightly below the tree in the center of the deck and the sea gleams brilliantly beyond Sunny's figurehead.

The serenity of the scene feels suddenly wrong and twisted. The silence blares in Luffy's ears as his eyes dart to the places they would usually be at. No one is fishing or sun-bathing or even tinkering.

' _Not only me this time.'_ Usopp's voice is abruptly there, beside him. Luffy whips around. No one.

 _No,_ Luffy denies.

He rushes up to the upper deck, straw hat flying off his messy head to bounce on his back. The small rubber boy slams the door to the girls' room open, not even bothering to knock. He almost wishes that a certain someone would greet him with a severe punch to the head.

Empty.

He checks the library, the aquarium, the bathrooms, the observation room, the gardens, the Crow's nest - repeatedly yelling all their names. Nothing.

' _ **We are.**_ '

Luffy is panting by the time he rushes up the stairs again. His breaths are ragged and shaky, his throat dry. Tears build in his wide, panicked eyes. Slowly, he opens the door to the dining room.

He falls to his knees and feels his heart shatter.

Eight empty seats. Seven more letters.

"Minna?" he croaks out.

Only the silence answers him back.

x.

End of Chapter I

x.

 _ **So this idea's been floating around in my head ( and in my docs ) for a while now so, after some time to think about the plot, I think I can get this terrible idea into a good story. Of course, it will require lots of work. This was a tough chapter to barf out cause I wanted to comfort Lu so badly… this'll be a rough road both for me and you guys. So buckle up.**_

 _ **Chapter lengths will vary.**_

 _ **All your questions will be answered... in due time. For now, leave a review! Tell me what you guys think ;)**_

 _ **Next update will be on**_ Nami _**(check it out if you haven't already!)**_

 _ **Ja ne,**_

 _ **Forgottensongs**_

 _ **P.S. Have you guys seen the new chapter (868)?! *_***_

 _ **P.P. S. The first time I uploaded this something went wrong so I had to delete it and reupload it. Thank you to that one reviewer that kindly told me what was wrong so that I could fix it (I didn't catch his/her name darn it, i was so embarrassed and wanted to quickly delete it haha). But please be kind, guys, things happen, and one reviewer made me feel really bad for no reason. Almost didn't want to publish this again :(**_

 _ **(But I did cuz i reminded myself that I liked writing for you guys and one person won't change that :P)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch 2 | The Second Letter**

Luffy's eyes shoot open.

Something cold and wet had dropped onto his cheek and was sliding down his upper lip. Not a second later, his nose is caressed with the sweet aroma of oranges and something distinctly like the sea. He blinks.

His head is lying on something cool yet soft. He feels the strangely comforting slide of a hand through his hair, tangling in the dark locks before the fingers gently massage his scalp. Luffy slowly shuts his eyes again, taking in a deep breath and feeling relieved when the same scent is still present.

 _Nami._

She's here. She didn't leave.

 _It was just a bad dream. The others are all here, too,_ Luffy almost giddily thinks. That was a scary nightmare. He relaxes further into the comfort of his nakama's arms, a sudden rush of gratitude and relief invading his body.

The limbs beneath his head move, and Luffy feels her body shift forward, her damp, mikan-scented hair slapping his cheek and having more droplets roll down his rubber skin. He feels her staring and tries not to grin.

"Enjoying yourself?" comes her dry voice. "Don't expect this kind of treatment regularly."

He can't stop himself from giggling and turns his head to face her. Two bright chestnut orbs look down at him, narrowed as a playful frown dances on her flushed face.

"You smell nice," Luffy states simply.

Nami only smiles.

She moves to get up, small drops of water from her freshly-washed hair splattering into the wood. She towers over him as he sits up. He looks for his hat and smiles when Nami jams it onto his head. His smile disappears, however, when he realizes he's on the floor of the dining room and connecting kitchen.

With a start, Luffy realizes what must've happened. Before he can receive the coming punishment, he tries to make a plea.

"Nami, wait! I don't know what happened! I must've been sleepwalking or somethin!" His hands wave wildly in front of his face, his face comically panicked.

Nami only stares at him with a slight confusion, used to her captain's gibberish and knowing she should wait until he starts making some sense.

Gulping, Luffy continues, "I didn't mean to eat the meat! I don't even remember eating it!"

Nami almost facepalms.

"You didn't eat the meat last night, Luffy. Sanji bought a lock to keep you from doing exactly that," she replies amusedly, making her way to the table and plopping down on a chair.

From his position still on the floor, Luffy can see that a coffee cup had already been placed on the table. Nothing else.

No white rectangular envelopes.

 _It really was just a nightmare,_ he thinks briefly.

At the mention of the cook, Luffy's eyes light up. His stomach also decides to growl loudly, the bottomless pit not having been fed since last night.

"Ah! It's almost breakfast time!" Luffy exclaims, bouncing up from the floor to run out of the room. He suddenly craves to see all his nakama.

He slams the door open, a huge grin on his face, and yells, "SANJIII! MESHIII!"

When no one answers, he thinks, _He must be sleeping._

Looking around, he realizes no one else is awake yet, the deck still free of the rest of his crew. A sneaky idea creeps into his mind and Luffy snickers as he jumps the rail, landing lightly (or what he thought was lightly) on his feet. He doesn't notice when Nami emerges from the dining room and kitchen, watching him with a worried frown on her face.

Luffy slowly opens the door to his room, cringing when it makes a creaking sound. He slips in and prepares to release the biggest yell he could manage - a personal wake-up call for his lazy crew. He takes a deep breath, moves closer to see the sleeping figu-

He lets go of his breath shakily.

The bunks are empty.

His heart starts pounding and a feeling that he's starting to hate crawls up his throat. Strangely, it's not exactly the empty bunks that scare him, but rather the sense of dejà vu that overtakes him.

He stumbles back out the door, landing on his butt on the prickly grass out on the deck. The silence is there again, loud and horrifying. He suddenly remembers his other companion, twisting to see her and calm his racing heart.

 _Nami's here_ , he reminds himself. He looks around, choosing to ignore the absence of the reclining chair where Robin usually reads her novels or the tools Franky or Usopp sometimes leave out.

 _They must be exploring an island,_ he reasons, grasping for something. Anything.

Luffy looks up at Nami, his hat falling onto his back to reveal dark eyes full of fear and anxiety.

Nami feels a shiver run across her spine. She wishes she could look away, or smile reassuringly to put his fears to rest. She almost does. But she reminds herself she needs to be strong - for both of them.

"Where is everyone?" Luffy's voice is deceptively strong and Nami could _cry_.

She swallows nothing. "They're not here."

Luffy doesn't react, only stares at her with those pleading eyes.

"Nani? What are you talking about? Where is everyone?" he repeats. _Please._

She feels like she's torturing him. A shaky sigh escapes her lips. She leans against the balcony, meets his eyes straight on, and firmly states, "They left, Luffy."

"Nani?" he repeats.

" _They're not here."_

Luffy purses his lip and Nami could see the denial flare up in his eyes. Dread fills her stomach as he stands up, fisting his hands, and gives her a look of pure hurt and betrayal.

"You don't know what you're saying Nami." His voice is low and cold. "After all that we've been through, our nakama would never abandon us. Ever. Have a little faith-"

"No, Luffy, I was there-"

"And they wouldn't leave without any warning - without telling me first," he continued, pretending like he didn't hear her. "They wouldn't leave… _letters_ when they could just come to me, and tell me what's wrong, and I'd go and take care of whatever or whoever's making them worry. They _know that_."

"Yes, they do-"

"SO DON'T STAND THERE AND TELL ME THEY JUST UP AND LEFT!" he burst out. Luffy rarely yelled at his navigator, but then, she usually wasn't putting him down like this. "How can I be a captain without a crew? I'm not stupid, Nami. And we're nakama. They didn't lea-"

"Well they did!" Nami burst into tears. "They _left, Luffy!"_

She suddenly reaches into the pocket of her jeans. She flings her arms to the side and Luffy watches with glazed eyes as folded pieces of white paper rain down at his sandaled feet.

"They _did_ write letters!" Nami's voice is raw, and she curses inwardly at how weak she must sound. She's supposed to be strong, _damn it_.

"They _did '_ just up and leave'! I was there and I couldn't do a thing!" She gestures wildly around the deck. "Look for yourself, Luffy - no one's here! We're in the middle of the ocean and the only two people left on this damn ship! Zoro, Sanji-"

Luffy lets out a cross between a grunt and a sob, tears threatening to cascade down his cheeks, clenching and unclenching his hands.

"-Usopp, Chopper," Nami hiccups. "Robin, Franky, Brook! THEY'RE ALL _GONE!"_

Her voice echoes with a certain finality across the ship.

Luffy lowers his head.

Nami pants, her chest heaving up and down. She watches as her captain visibly deflates, unshed tears still in his eyes, and look down at the folded letters on the grass. A soft breeze brushes them closer to the boy.

After what seems like hours pass, Luffy looks up again. His voice is so quiet Nami has to lean in over the balcony to hear him.

"Why?"

It's a question that has Nami taking in deeper breaths, feeling like the air around her was too thick. Her heart hurts with a dull, seemingly constant pain. The water from her bangs mix with the salty streams on her cheeks and nose. Nami sniffles.

She can't tell him. Not yet.

"Read the letters," she says simply, and turns her back on him.

She walks to her room and closes the door, refusing to look back and see the devastated face of her captain.

 **x.**

Luffy sits at his favorite spot, on the Sunny-Go's head. Upon a closer look, he realizes the envelopes have small numbers on the corners.

He realizes that there's one missing.

There should be seven. Now there's six.

Luffy looks back at the closed door of the girls' dorm, where he could feel Nami's feelings of hurt radiating from inside. He couldn't comfort her when he himself didn't know what to do.

Placing the rest of the letters inside his pants, he opens the envelope that has the number two on it and starts to read. Almost immediately, he recognizes the messy, inky scrawl on the paper:

 _Oi senchou,_

 _This is Zoro. Ero-cook and that Witch told me to write this so here we are._

 _Luffy. Remember that condition I had when I agreed to join your crew?_

Luffy thinks back and knows immediately what his First Mate is talking about.

 _My ambition, to become the greatest swordsman in the world, will always come first, Captain. If you did anything to jeopardize that dream, that promise I made to a friend, then I told you that I would leave. That, or I would kill you._

 _I decided not to kill you._

 _So instead I'm_ _ **going**_ _. Don't come looking for me, or I'd have to do that. Kill you, I mean. Or try to._

 _You're strong. But I can't follow a Captain who endangers his crewmates' dreams. Hope you understand that._

 _\- Zoro_

 **x.**

Nami wakes up to a soft knocking on her door.

She wipes away the stickiness of dried tears from her face as she gets up slowly. From the position of the sun outside her window, she can see it's already noon. She hears Luffy's stomach growl even before she reaches for the doorknob.

Despite all the negative emotions that had been wracking her body, she allows herself a smile. At least one thing never changes.

She opens her door and finds the rubber captain waiting for her. With a sigh, she gestures towards the kitchen and an unnaturally silent Luffy falls into step behind her. She notices the paper crumpled in his hand and stays quiet as well.

Luffy sits at the table, gazing at the note in his hand with such an intensity, Nami thinks that laser beams would shoot out of his eyes any second. He tilts his head and his straw hat then covers half his face, shrouding it in an ominous shadow.

She occupies herself in the kitchen, determined to cook a heaping plate of different kinds of delicious meat for her emotionally worn Captain.

She puts in the code to unlock the fridge and takes out two steaks, some porkchops, six chicken wings, the same number of chicken legs, and large cuts of a 20-foot long tuna fish. After tying on Sanji's black apron, she gets to work into seasoning, marinating, grilling, steaming and baking the meat and fish. As they cook under their respective heat, Nami starts making a side of rice, vegetables, and sushi for herself and to hold Luffy over.

A half hour later, she sets the steaming plate of grain and sushi, minus the veggies, for a surprisingly patient Luffy. He finally looks up at her, and she gives him a wan smile.

He mutters a "thank you" before gulfing it down in two bites. She sweat drops. Luffy's appetite definitely hasn't changed.

"The rest will be done in 15 minutes," she murmurs, sitting across from him. He nods, then goes back to staring at the letter.

It's relatively quiet for another ten minutes save for the clinking of Nami's fork against her plate and the whistle of steam from the stove.

"You didn't," Luffy suddenly says.

Nami looks up. She shoots him a questioning gaze.

"Leave," he clarifies. "You didn't leave."

Nami stiffens.

"Why?" Luffy inquires.

Nami sets her fork back down. "I didn't want to."

Luffy waits, but that's all she says.

"Then why did you write a letter?" At her slightly surprised look, Luffy continues, "Before there were seven, eight if we included Usopp's. Now there are six. Did you change your mind?"

She doesn't answer. Luffy grows agitated. He flicks the paper so that it lands between them. He fixes her with a serious look.

"Zoro says you told him to write it. A letter. You. All of them left, but you stayed. Why?"

His dark eyes watch his navigator bite her lip before she takes a deep breath.

"I did leave," she finally says, looking down at her half-eaten plate of rice. "But I came back… because I couldn't bear the thought of you going through that kind of pain again."

Luffy stays silent, prodding her to go on.

"I couldn't do anything when Ace died," Nami says, and hears Luffy's sharp intake at the name. "I couldn't help you after your brother died in your arms, and could only imagine the pain and suffering you went through - all alone, your crew missing, and your brother killed. Everything was so unfair."

Nami wraps her arms around herself, suddenly cold. "I could only cry… and wish. Wish that I was there to comfort you. Wish that you at least had one of us there to make you feel a little less alone." She looks up to find Luffy's gaze already piercing hers.

"How could I deliberately leave you alone, Luffy? Knowing how much pain you'd be in? The more the distance grew between the waver and the ship, the more I knew I made the wrong decision. So I came back with the resolve to stay, even when the others warned-" She paused.

Luffy frowned. Nami shook her head after a moment.

"The crew debated a lot on it, but in the end, the only solution was to leave, Luffy. Believe me when I say we wouldn't if we didn't have a really good reason. But still... we couldn't bring ourselves to suddenly leave without an explanation. You deserved that, at least. So I suggested we each write you a letter. They were skeptical at first, but then Sanji-kun backed up my idea, then Robin and everyone else went along with it."

Luffy listens intently to her story. He doesn't say anything, but the questions are crowding in his head. Amongst them is one that itches his very core.

After Nami brings him his meat - all five heaping plates of it - he takes a few bites then asks her straightforwardly.

"Nami. What exactly happened… to make them leave?"

"You have to read the letters."

He shakes his head. "The letters don't tell me what happened. They just tell me why they left. And even those doesn't make sense."

Luffy grips the table tightly with his hands. "Usopp left because I apparently had a fight with him. Zoro said that I pushed you guys to forget about your dreams or something. But here's the problem-"

Luffy gives her the most wounded look that should never, ever be on such an innocent face and Nami looks away.

"I don't remember doing any of that."

She says nothing.

"I can't tell if they're lying in their writing," Luffy continues, "but if they are… why would they do that?"

He stares at Nami, the latter avoiding his gaze. "What really happened, Nami? Why did they leave?"

This time she lets out an answer, but it's not what Luffy expects to hear.

"Don't make me say it," she pleads.

Luffy blinks. She's starting to cry again. "Don't make me say it," she says again.

"Say what?" Luffy asks, confused as to why she's crying.

"No, Luffy!" Nami suddenly yells, slamming her hands onto the table, copper eyes turning pale red and shrinking, and Luffy stares, surprised.

"Just," she says, panting. Calming down. "Read the letters. Just read them. When you're done, come to me."

She gazes at him, but Luffy feels as though she's looking past him. Her face turns dark, then abruptly blank.

"I'll give you my letter last. ... Then you'll know."

 **x.**

The day passes by slowly, with the sunny weather mocking the two grim pirates on the lonely ship.

After lunch, Luffy goes to fish, his heart aching for his regular companions. Nami had retreated to her room, muttering something about charting their course.

Now that they were seven crewmates short, it was even more dangerous to be out sailing in the New World's seas. Their current situation suddenly slams itself into Luffy and he feels dizzy.

Pirate King. He can't achieve his dream without his crew. He can't do anything without his nakama. Everyone single one of them was precious to him, his treasure. They were the extensions of his limbs - what he couldn't do, they could and did.

The same question kept rising. _Why?_

They had made it so far. He thought they were happy, that they trusted each other. Never had the thought of them leaving ever cross his mind. Even after everyone achieved their dreams, Luffy had imagined that they would continue sailing, having wild adventures with all the freedom that the title of Pirate King and the powers of his crew would have on the grand ocean.

Even if one of them would leave, Luffy had showed numerous times that he would stray off his course to take back just one of his nakama. They were his family. And no one would get left behind.

But this… he could never have imagined that they would _all_ leave. All except one, but even she had thought about leaving him. Was he a terrible captain? Did he chase off his crew?

….Did they hate him?

As Luffy's thoughts turned dark, he didn't notice the sparse clouds above converging into huge gray cumulonimbus ones. Living up to its reputation, the New World's weather was changing within seconds.

The light drizzle soon turns into a heavy rainfall. Luffy, however, stays dry. He looks up to find a large red umbrella shielding him from most of the rain. He turns around to find Nami struggling to hold both umbrellas over both him and her, a yellow raincoat covering her body. He looks at her with half-lidded eyes for a long time before finally realizing she is talking to him.

He can barely hear her over the pounding rain.

"-Rain… letters… -run…"

It takes him a long minute to find out that Nami is trying to tell him that the letters, written with ink, would be unreadable if rain got to them. He wraps his arm around her waist then and pulls her close, making her drop the umbrella she is holding for herself. Both under just one umbrella now, Luffy stretches his other arm to the other side of the ship.

Ignoring Nami's protests, he slings them over and, though slightly wet from the passing sprinkle, is relatively dry. He pushes her into her room then follows.

"What kinda idiot sits in the rain then-...," she's muttering. Nami takes off her raincoat and plops it by her desk.

Luffy takes the letters from inside his pants and sets them by her map, not noticing suspicious reddish-brown eyes watching him. There were two candles burning in her room and Luffy feels better being in here than out there. Warmer.

He's turning to face his only nakama at the moment when Nami suddenly bonks him over the head for being so reckless. She then hits him again for being shameless about where he puts his stuff and he lets out a slight "shishishi" because, for a fleeting moment, everything seems back to normal.

Nami sighs. "This rain is going to go on for a while. But it means we're close to an island." Her smile is bittersweet. "We'll also be harder to find under this cover. We should be fine until we land."

Luffy barely hears the rest of what she says with the sudden wave of fatigue that sweeps through him. "Ne, Nami?" he yawns. "Do you think the crew will be back?"

She doesn't respond, so Luffy answers his own question. "I think they will. Even if their letters say they won't."

He climbs into her and Robin's shared Queen bed, kicking off his sandals and placing his hat on the nightstand. Settling under the covers, he looks back at her to find a haunted look on her face, the candlelight flickering across her wide eyes.

After a long moment, she climbs into the bed beside him. Immediately he buries his face into her neck and wraps his rubber arms around her cool frame.

"We'll be alright," he assures them both.

Nami cries, cursing herself because, once again, Luffy - the one hurting the most - is the one being strong for both of them.

She feels Luffy tighten his hold on her before drifting off into a troubled sleep.

 **x.**

" _Well?"_

" _We can't be sure, yet. It's too soon."_

" _He could've been bluffing, the bastard."_

" _Yeah, he was a coward."_

" _But… this is Luffy, our captain, we're talking about. What should we do if-"_

" _We leave."_

 _Silence._

" _What are you talking about Zoro?" Nami fought to keep her voice level. Luffy was still sleeping in the men's quarters._

 _The Straw Hats were in the aquarium, the air tense and grim. Zoro didn't bat an eye._

" _If you have ears, then you heard what we heard. I'm not following a captain that's going to endanger us all."_

" _Zoro!" Nami immediately scolded. "How can you talk about him like that? And after all he's done for you, for all of us, you're going to just leave him like that?"_

 _Another tense silence._

 _The faint blue light illuminated the glum faces of the eight Straw Hats._

" _I think the Marimo is right, Nami-san," a voice Nami would have never imagined would take sides with Zoro said. She whipped her head around to face Sanji, tears stinging her eyes. She had counted on him to side with her on this._

" _Hear me out," he tried to amend. "We all heard what would happen. So maybe it is best if we leave. What if it makes him better?"_

" _And what if it doesn't?" she whispered back harshly. "He lost Ace, but knowing that he had us kept him together. If he loses us…" Her voice broke._

 _So far, Nami had been the most emotional of the Straw Hats, her compassion clouding her judgment. They all loved Luffy, but if nothing was done, they would all perish at sea._

" _Nami," Robin's soothing voice spoke up._

Good. A reasonable voice _, Nami thought, her eyes pleading at Robin. Her heart broke when Robin fixed her with a firm but apologizing gaze. It wasn't good._

" _I've read about his power's effects in the newspaper," Robin explained solemnly. "He was terrorizing the towns in the South Blue before all this." Robin told to the crew what she'd learned._

" _That doesn't prove a thing," Usopp argued, and Nami agreed._

 _Chopper started crying softly. Robin patted his head, comforting him. The small reindeer buried his head in her bosom._

" _Stop crying, Chopper," Franky said, to which Robin glared at him. "He'll wake up the Senchou," Franky quickly defended his tone._

" _I can't," Chopper whimpered. "How can I be the world's greatest doctor," he sniffled, "if I can't even-?!" His bawling drowned out the rest of his sentence._

" _It's not your fault, Chopper," Usopp said. "You've done all you could without knowing how it works."_

" _If it's even working," Brook chimed in. No skull jokes tonight. "Luffy-san does seem fine."_

" _Well, let's assume it does start 'working'. Then what?" Zoro demanded. "In the New World, everyone who's not already an ally is an enemy. They're either trying to capture us or kill us. We can't be dumb sitting ducks waiting to get shot out of the water."_

 _He received a hard pinch by Nami and hissed. "What's your problem, woman?"_

 _Nami glared before saying softly, "You don't have to put it that way."_

 _Zoro leaned against her in a sign of peace. She gripped his arm and he didn't even react when she squeezed it as hard as she could, biting her lip and forcing herself not to cry._

 _Zoro glanced at her, then looked at the rest of the crew. "We have to be strong."_

 _The aquarium stayed silent once more. Bubbles from passing fish rose up to the top of the fish tank. Then,_

" _We need to tell him."_

 _She quieted all the immediate protests. "Listen," she urged._

 _They do._

 _Sanjo was the first to agree. Then Robin raised her hand. "What if he doesn't understand?"_

 _Nami took turns looking at everyone. "He will."_

" _Alright," Zoro quipped. This whole situation made him on edge. He, more than anyone, beat himself up for turning his back to the enemy. It was a fatal mistake for a swordsman, and now his captain was paying the price._

 _Brook looked towards Nami calmly. "We'll need you to guide us there, Nami."_

 _The faint light shone on a tear drop that escaped her eye._

" _Of course."_

 **X**

 **End Of Chapter 2**

 **X**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch 3 | The Third and Fourth Letter**

It's still dark outside when Luffy wakes up, groggy and disoriented. He blinks multiple times, his pupils dilating in order to adjust to the absence of light, the moon shining in from the porthole only illuminating a small part of the room. For a moment he forgets where he is, but then it all comes rushing back.

So does the dull pain in his heart.

He clenches the skin above the beating organ and pulls. His skin stretches the length of his arm until he lets go. It snaps back, as rubber should, and Luffy smiles bitterly.

How is he supposed to bounce back from this?

Being a rubber man did nothing for him now.

He's on the verge of being pulled into the dark recesses of his mind when the lump beside him shifts. He looks down at his sleeping companion and pokes her through the comforter.

"Nami," he whispers. He waits, and when she doesn't answer he pokes her uncovered cheek.

She squirms a bit. "Hrm?"

"I'm hungry."

Nami cracks an eye open and slightly turns to look at the boy. He gives her his best pout but she grunts, turns back around, and covers her whole head with the blankets. "Leave me alone," she mumbles.

Unseen by her, Luffy deepens his pout. He debates for a moment on whether or not he should risk angering his navigator by raiding the pantry but then remembers that Sanji got a lock for that too after Luffy and Chopper ate all of the chocolate stored in there.

Ah. His heart hurts again.

Thinking about his nakama makes Luffy look towards the letters he had put on the desk. According to Nami, he can find the answers to his never-ending questions in those letters. But so far, they've only been making him feel worse and popping up more questions that don't have answers.

He looks down at the lump again, watching it in the dim light as the blankets move up and down with her every breath. He remembers how she looked when he asked her what had happened - he hadn't seen her that scared since that bastard Arlong threatened to take everything away from her.

Is that what was happening?

Was the crew in danger? If so, why didn't they tell him? Did they run away because they were scared?

No. That wasn't it. His nakama were anything but cowards. Not even Usopp. If anything, they ran towards trouble rather than away from it. And if they were in danger, they would stand and fight, with their captain leading the way.

Luffy slumps back onto the headboard of the bed and scowls. Or that's how it was supposed to be, at least.

Why did they leave their captain behind?

Luffy thinks back to Zoro's letter and how his First Mate hinted that he left because Luffy was endangering his dream. How?

The rubber boy looks over at the desk where the letters lay sprawled over Nami's charts. He makes a sound of resolve and carefully maneuvers over his slumbering navigator to land on the floor. He takes his straw hat from the nightstand and walks over to the desk.

The candles are all burnt out, so Luffy takes the unopened letters and stuffs the two opened ones inside one of the compartments. He puts the rest of the letters in his pants again. He almost wants Nami to hit him again, liking the sense of normalcy he gets even with the soft pain of her fists.

He strolls across the room to open the door and steps outside into the muggy, post-rain air.

A small breeze glides past him and ruffles his hat and vest. Luffy climbs up the stairs to the upper deck to sit on the boards, his legs dangling between the rails of the balcony. From here he can imagine his nakama and what'd they be doing on deck in the daytime.

Across from where he sits, illuminated by the moonlight, Luffy can see Usopp's garden of Pop-greens, the long-nose's personal arsenal of deadly plants. The mast separated it from Nami's precious Mikan trees, flourishing after receiving a good amount of rainwater. Robin's small garden of flowers are growing as well, lavender petals swaying in the wind.

Luffy closes his eyes, inhaling the sweet scents that wafted his way, and imagines:

The sun is bright and high in the sky.

Nami's harvesting her mikans, the delectable fruits plump and ripe and Luffy knows that if he's good he'll get a juicy slice when he asks.

Robin is lying in a beach chair, in the shade of the big tree on the deck, her sunglasses up on her hair, book in one hand and sipping at whatever Sanji concocted for her in all his gentlemanly-ness. Luffy hovers for a while beside her chair and his archeologist smiles up at him, then offers to read a section of her book. The straw-hatted boy pretends to think about it, then declines. Robin then offers him one of her many sweet treats and he's nodding before she even finishes her sentence.

He snatches it into his mouth quickly from her slim fingers but Sanji has already seen and Luffy runs as the chef chases him around the deck, cursing him and his "shitty" ways. Luffy only cackles after swallowing the delicious tart, all the while making sure Sanji doesn't actually catch him or he'll definitely get the beating of his life.

He's saved by Zoro, who he thinks is napping by the main mast until the swordsman starts taunting the chef in a way only he can, directing the Ero-Cook's anger at him.

Luffy then sees something shiny and immediately darts to where Usopp is fixing another one of his doohickeys and talking to Franky about its mechanics. _Mystery stuff_ , Luffy thinks. But still he takes one of the tools when Franky isn't looking and starts to mess with it. It comes to life and suddenly its whirling through the deck, cutting up grass and digging up dirt.

Chopper almost loses his tail as it cuts past him and Brook "yohoho"'s as he remarks that his heart almost stopped when it started chasing him... but he had no heart to begin with.

The machine twirls through the deck until it falls down into the ocean.

Luffy laughs even as Usopp, Chopper, and Franky yell at him. Nami sighs in exasperation and Robin does that weird little chuckle of hers - "fufufu" - and Zoro and Sanji are head-to-head, still bickering about who-knows-what at this point.

The captain takes the hat from his back to set it firmly on his head as he grins.

It's perfect.

Luffy opens his eyes, coming back to reality.

That is, the one where his crew is not here.

Nami is sleeping in her room, and he's reading letters from the nakama that abandoned them.

Luffy sighs, another sudden wave of tiredness sweeping through his body. He feels the fatigue in his bones as he opens the third letter and finds a note, smaller than the others.

 **X.**

 _Ruffy:_

 _ **To** leave the Thousand Sunny-Go is a tough decision, but I have to. Tom-san, my mentor, once told me that a great ship cannot be called great if it hasn't experienced adventure. Sunny hasn't finished its adventure on the seas yet, Ruffy. Even if I have._

 _I leave the ship, my greatest creation, in your hands. The shark submerge, the mini-merry, and the waver are gone. Take care of Sunny._

 _It's still your superrr nakama._

 _\- Hentai Franky_

 **X.**

As he reads the note by his shipwright, Luffy grips the white wooden rail, almost smiling at the signature (count on Franky to always be a proud pervert). He remembers how Merry is also part of the Sunny, Franky having made their old nakama's spirit live in this one as well.

He wishes Franky was here, terribly missing the different hairstyles the half(naked)-man, half-robot would make all by a single press in of his nose.

Luffy shakes his head, his mouth turned upside down. He misses everyone.

Where did they go?

Franky wrote that the Mini-Merry, the Shark Submerge, and the waver was gone so he probably didn't know Nami would come back. Did some of them stay together while others went their separate ways? How were they all doing?

Are they hurting as much as he is right now?

Luffy's hunger subsides and a deep depression grabs him by the throat.

Unwillingly, he slowly opens the fourth letter.

His blood runs cold.

X.

 _Shitty captain,_

 _I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you for hurting her._

 _I know she already has._

 _I also know she'll want to stay, and that's the only reason I've filled the fridge and pantry with plenty of food to last you two til the next island. DO NOT eat all the food._

 _Luffy, I'm leaving Nami-swan in your care, despite everything. I know you didn't mean to do it, that you love her like you love all your nakama. But the next time you hurt our precious navigator again, even she won't be able to stop me. Let's hope there is no next time. I'll_ _ **fight**_ _you with no regrets._

 _Take care of her. I'll know if you don't._

 _\- Sanji_

 **X.**

Nami wakes up to a loud and sudden bang. She shoots up, her first thought being 'cannon fire' and that they were under attack. Her hand comes down to wake up Luffy only to find empty sheets. She blindly grabs the Clima-Tact from under her pillow, trying to adjust to the darkness of the room.

She looks up quickly, his name on her lips to call for help, until she sees him standing at the door. It's wide open, swinging slightly, and the moonlight beaming on his tall figure. Nami relaxes immediately after realizing he was the source of the sound. She stiffens again when she realizes his trembling body.

She couldn't see his eyes, his straw hat shading the dark orbs, and a glance at the crumpled paper in his hand told her everything.

"Luffy," she starts soothingly, her voice still a little sleepy.

Her captain strides over to the bed, lifting his head and even in the faint light Nami could see the fire in his eyes. She cranes her head up as he towers over her. His face set in a deep scowl, hands in a fist, extremely upset.

"Nami," Luffy's voice is hoarse, as if he had just been screaming at the top of his lungs for several days. His eyes roam her body and Nami knows he's searching for it, but doesn't know where.

She speaks, trying to distract him. "You said you were hungry?" She starts to get up and the blankets pull her shirt up just a little-

Too late, she feels the air on her upper belly and Luffy's eyes land on the spot. She hurriedly pulls it down and grimaces.

 _Shit._

Luffy keeps staring even when it's covered. A tense silence grows between them that makes Nami anxious. She swings her legs off the bed and tries to fill the space and calm her captain.

"It was an accident. You were just really agitated and I got in the way, as always," she explains. "And hey, I mean, it doesn't even compare to when I hit you." She chuckles a little in an attempt to lighten the thick atmosphere.

Her eyes drift to the paper in his hand again and her hand makes a motion in front of her face, trying to be nonchalant about it. "Sanji-kun'll get over it, too. He knows you would never do it on purpose. Chopper said I'd be fine, and I am. So don't worry about it, Captain."

Luffy finally looks up, his eyes brimming with an anguish unlike before.

He utters one word, quietly. "How?"

She shakes her head. "Luffy, forget it."

Luffy reaches for her and she flinches, then curses when she sees the look of hurt on his face. "Luffy, I didn't-"

He's already backing away. But he stops, just a few feet away from her. Nami feels like it's miles.

"How?" he repeats, his voice stronger.

She looks at him for a long moment. Then bends her head, unable to look at him, her bangs covering her eyes.

She says it quickly, her voice low - almost whispering - but it doesn't minimize the damage.

"Gear Second."

She looks up, but Luffy's already out the door.

 **X.**

 **End Of Chapter 3**

 **X.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch 4 | The Fifth Letter**

He can't remember a time when he hates himself more than he does now.

Or maybe he can.

That fateful day at Sabaody Archipelago resurfaces in his mind and Luffy is forced to remember a dark time in which he had ultimately failed - as a captain and as a friend - to protect his crew, his nakama. Could only watch, helpless and weak - _always too weak_ \- as they disappeared, right in front of his eyes, one after another, pop pop pop. Yelling, screaming, no, please, no. Blink. Gone. Pop pop pop.

And he couldn't do a _damn thing_.

He was weak then and he was weak when he tried, and ultimately _failed_ to save his brother. He gave his all, did everything he had possibly could then, but what good was that when everything he _could_ do, wasn't enough? In the end, he wasn't strong enough to to protect Ace, to save his brother. He was weak.

So he trained. And trained and trained and cried and sweat and bled and _pushed_ himself to the limit, then went past that to become stronger. More and more and more strong, so he wouldn't lose anyone ever again. So he wouldn't have to watch anyone close to him ever get hurt again. So he could protect them.

So why in the _hell_ was there such a large, colorful bruise on his precious nakama's stomach? And why was he the one who caused it? _When_?

Luffy rakes his fingers hard on his scalp, back and forth, gritting his teeth as he bends his head between his knees. He squeezes his eyes tightly, trying to erase the memory of that angry red and purple mark on her skin, rimmed with black wrinkles from the burning effect.

Forget the questions - it was done. It was inexcusable. It was disgusting.

Not the wound. Him. _He's_ disgusting.

Hurting a nakama like he did - hurting _Nami_ , noticeably one of the weaker ones in the crew even with that deadly weapon in her clutches - was just…

Luffy felt sick.

He heard Nami looking for him but stayed quiet, guilt and sadness constricting his throat tightly. He felt like the lowest scum in the whole world. How could she stay with him, even after that?

He deserves to be alone. To pay for what he did.

It hits him like a punch not unlike one of his jii-chan's, and he stands from amidst the barrels of cola, suddenly needing air. It's still dark outside as he sprints to the deck and grabs the railing for support, looking down at the black sea.

That's why they left, isn't it? His mind is whirling as a foreign feeling starts from his stomach and crawls up his throat. He tries to swallow it down but it's unstoppable. He bends over the railing and promptly throws up his lunch from yesterday. It's sour and foul and burns his throat - Luffy's not used to it, so even when he's done, he keeps hacking out air. His hat bounces above the water from the string around his neck.

He doesn't turn when he feels a hand touch his back, rubbing it soothingly.

Nami says, "It's okay," and Luffy starts bawling. He doesn't even care if Nami sees how weak he is.

Because it really isn't okay.

His crew left because of him.

He had hurt Nami, someone he was supposed to protect.

And he had probably hurt the others, too. Usopp had written that they had fought again. If that was the case, then the sharpshooter was probably hurt as well.

What frustrates him the most is that he can't remember - any of it.

He cries for a short while more before sniffling it all up hard and hiccuping. The hand on his back continue its rounds.

Luffy breathes in slowly, the familiar scent of the sea and cool pre-dawn air calming him. Without a word, he wipes his eyes, straightens up, then faces his navigator.

"What's wrong with me?" he asks seriously.

She looks worried but gives him a half-smile. "Nothing's wrong with you, Luffy."

He expects this answer, and shoves past her, angry that she still won't tell him the truth. Not that he blames her, really. Who would trust a captain that went all Gear Second on her ass?

"Stay back, Nami," he commands when he hears her walk after him.

Her tone is disapproving. "Luffy, you can't blame yourself for this."

He whirls on her, scowling, frustrated to his limit. "Then who should I blame, Nami? Who? The crew left for a good reason. If I was hurting them, then it's only fair that they leave. I understand."

"No, you don't," she protests.

"Then help me understand!" he pleads, exasperated. "I don't remember anything. And I guess I'll never find out. The letters aren't helping, Nami."

"They will," she replies. "They have to." She takes a deep breath. "What are you on?"

He frowns in confusion. "What?"

"What number are you on?" she clarifies. "You noticed the numbers, right? What number is on the last letter you read?"

He wracks his brain for a minute. "Four. Sanji's."

She nods, looking slightly nervous. "Don't waste time, Luffy. The next letter - it'll give you some answers. Promise."

He shakes his head, heading back to her room. He's wary now of himself around Nami, but still craves her presence with the rest of the crew gone. He hates it, but she's right about his sense of loneliness, increased now seven-fold. He also surprisingly doesn't feel that hungry, even after throwing his lunch into the sea.

He sits on the floor by the desk where the candle, relit by Nami, flickers on the wooden boards of the creaking ship. The orange and yellow dancing flame reminds him of Ace. Luffy wishes he could ask him what to do.

Nami enters the room after him, closing the door and climbing into bed. She scoots over for Luffy but when he stays where he is, she turns, her back to him, and buries herself in the blankets.

Luffy listens to her shallow breathing until it turns slow and deep.

Then he takes out the letters. He shifts through them, placing the ones he read with the other two already in the desk compartment. He places the three left over in front of his crossed legs.

He opens the fifth letter and begins to read.

X.

 _Dear Luffy-san,_

 _By this point, you must be blaming yourself for what is happening. But do not. I will be the first to shed a small light to your situation. But I can only say little._

 _Do not_ _ **wait**_ _to read the other letters_ _ **.**_ _Keep them. Read them everyday. That is my last request._

 _For a long time, I waited for a day when I could once again sail the seas with people I could call my friends. It took 50 years but when that day came, it was worth it. I was so glad to be part of such an amazing crew. Luffy-san, thank you._

 _I know what you are going through. I, possibly more than anyone, know how it is to spend a life time alone, with nobody to talk to or share your adventures with._

 _It pains me to leave, without a final song of departure. But Luffy-san, being around you has become dangerous, you must know. Not only because you are you attacking. Never in my 90 years have I seen a condition such as this, even if I'm no doctor._

 _Two weeks ago, we battled a man with a strange devil fruit. He used a technique on you, Luffy-san, when all our backs were turned. I can not explain it well, but Robin-san and Chopper-san probably will. The result, however, is disastrous enough that, as you can see, we had to leave._

 _The crew, however, has gone their separate ways. I will sail back to Laboon, and the others, back to their island. This is, unfortunately, the end of our adventures._

 _I must go now. Good bye, Luffy-san._

 _-Brook_

X.

Luffy rereads the letter one more time before putting the paper down. He looks toward the lump on the bed, biting his cheek hard.

What answers?

This only brought up even more questions. He angrily slaps the paper down on the floor.

What man? What 'condition'? What fight?

The only thing he learned was that the crew itself had also broken up, which only furthered his depression. If they had all stayed together, at least with Nami with him, he could've navigated the seas to look for them. Dispersed as they were now, it would be near impossible.

His nakama were gone. And it really seemed like they weren't coming back.

He leans his head back on the wall, and breathes for a while, in danger of hyperventilating.

It's no good to think like this. Fatigue settles into his bones. He feels weak.

Slowly, he gets up, stumbling to the bed. His head spins.

He falls on top of the lump heavily, waking up Nami. He hears himself groaning something unintelligible, and Nami's muffled words sounding panicked. He wants to tell her to go back to sleep, that he's fine, but then the ceiling above him starts to swim. Everything turns pitch black.

X.

 _Zoro was the first to notice._

 _He was almost killed in the process, but Luffy finally seemed to remember how to use his power and they both threw off the invading Marines. He watched his captain closely, after that._

 _After a while with nothing out of the ordinary, the First Mate began to think that maybe he had imagined it. But then it happened again - barely noticeable, but there. This time Zoro's trained eye noted the way Luffy wavered, his dark eyes turning a slightly lighter shade as a navy officer advanced. The rubber man narrowly dodged the slice of a sword aimed at his head before sloppily countering the attack with an uncharacteristically weak punch. Then his eyes were back, and Luffy executed a strong **gomu gomu no muchi** , sending the navy officer for a dunk in the sea, laughing and beaming his signature grin._

 _Zoro told the others about it immediately._

" _It's time to go."_

" _What?" Nami was the first to protest. "How do you know?"_

" _You think I purposely got myself stabbed?" He pointed at the bandage on his right flank. "I thought he had the guy and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by the Navy bastard."_

" _Sounds to me like you need to improve your Observation Haki," Nami lashed out weakly._

 _Zoro glared at her and she looked down. Why did she keep denying it?_

" _Che!" he huffed out. "I know what I saw."_

 _He limped out of the aquarium, a bandaged wound also on his left thigh, where another one of the Navy officers he thought his captain had taken care of had managed to impale him. His last words resonated within the heart of the crew members._

" _Luffy forgot how to fight."_

X.

End of Ch 4

X.


End file.
